That summer I wished to forget, that summer I did not
by IzumiYuu
Summary: Summer, that day Makoto raced Haru, and he realised that there was no way he had a chance against Rin in claiming Haru's heart. Summer, ten years after that fateful race in high school, Makoto finds that he still cannot forget Haru, even though he put in so much effort to escape. But maybe... he was wrong all along? (Also on AO3)


AN: This is sort of a spin-off after watching episode 7/8, after Makoto raced Haru, and we all know Mako-chan had cried. This is my take on what could have happened after the race, and then what happened subsequently 10 years later in a sort of Future Fish AU. So... Enjoy! :)

Disclaimer: I do not own Free! or anything related to it, except the characters that I have typed here to form this fic.

* * *

><p><em>Summer, 2014<em>

_"__I lost!"_

What was I thinking?

_ " __You really are the best in water,"_

I was a fool.

_"__Haru-chan!"_

But… I can't do anything about it, can I?

There's no way I can get between you and Rin.

_"__What are you talking about?"_

No matter how hard I try.

"Bye everyone! Be sure to rest well and be in top shape for the relay race tomorrow!" As he bid farewell to Rei and Nagisa, Makoto tried his best to plaster a smile on his face without seeming too strained. He was near his limit. Anytime soon, and the floodgates would not be able to hold out.

"Bye-bye, Mako-chan, Haru-chan! See you guys tomorrow!" Thankfully, the two younger males did not seem to notice anything wrong, and Nagisa cheerfully waved his goodbye as usual, with Rei by his side giving his usual polite bow. As the two pairs parted on their separate ways home, Makoto stayed silent, knowing that Haru preferred it that way. And even when they reached their homes, Makoto chose not to say anything, opting instead to give another strained smile and immediately turning towards his house. He could sense Haru's doubt in his demeanor, and he knew that Haru was beginning to grow suspicious of his silence, but he decided that it would be the best if he continued to be silent.

He walked the short flight of stairs up to his home, trying to be as quiet as possible in unlocking the door. It was late, after all. He did not want to wake his parents or siblings, although not exactly because he did not want to wake them, but more because he did not want them to see him in his current emotional turmoil. He eventually got the door open, managing to not alert anyone of his arrival, and went straight to his room after locking the door behind him.

Finally, finally. He was in the safety of his room. And he decided that it was time to let the tears fall freely.

He sobbed, as quietly as he could, his emotions pouring out of him in the form of crystalline teardrops that flowed freely down his cheek and onto his track pants, his hand clutching his sweater and wrapping it around him tightly as if it could give him some form of comfort or protection. But nothing could possible relieve him of the painful pressure in his chest, clawing at his heart and threatening to tear it apart.

He wept painfully, his legs no longer able to support him, and collapsed to the ground, his feeble arms reaching out to grip the side of his bed and was barely able to stop him from sprawling on the ground completely.

He cried, unable to stop, his sobs wracking his frame as he tried not to choke on them, his vision blurred and ears ringing as he allowed the whirlwind of emotions he had worked so hard to bottle up to surface all at one go.

_It was too much_, he decided. _The pain was too much._

He had seen how Rin and Haru were after the race. Hell, even during the race they seemed to in-sync, their speeds almost equivalent. He was no match for either of them. He could never wish to get between them no matter how much he loved Haru, no matter how hard he worked to even be near the level that both of them are on.

It suddenly hit him then, that it was all a futile effort. There was nothing he could do that would enable him to stand between Rin and Haru. He was powerless. Their affinity was too strong. He could read Haru like a book, predict his thoughts, shower him with love and attention, but it would never work.

Because Haru loves Rin.

It was an epiphany, a sudden realization—almost. Because deep down, he knew that he has sensed the affection that Haru has for Rin before, more than once. It was so very different from what Haru felt towards him, Nagisa or Rei. It was different because—

Because he loves Rin.

The thought resounded over and over again in his head, and the words somehow seemed to eat away at his heart. His green eyes were glassy, he was looking but not seeing anything. And he realized, he did not want to see anything at all.

That night, Makoto climbed under his sheets, still fully dressed, and cried himself to sleep, his heart shattering to pieces, and his mind repeating again and again:

_"__Haru loves Rin."_

* * *

><p><em>Summer, 2024<em>

"Good work everyone!"

Makoto called out to his colleagues as he walked towards the lockers to get changed before heading home. Opening his locker, his eyes immediately fell on the photograph that was taped onto the door of the locker since his first day at work at the fire station—the last photograph that he took with the swim club. The photograph was taken right after the relay race, and whenever he looked at it, pleasant memories came rushing back to him. However, he was no longer in contact with any of them anymore.

After the episode he had in his room, he managed to pick up the pieces, steel his heart and attend the relay race the next day. The day passed in a blur—he did not remember if they had won, but all he knew was that it was the last time he saw Haru truly smile. Days came and passed, and before he knew it, he was already taking his university entrance examinations. He had deliberately chosen one in Tokyo despite how he told Nagisa he planned to choose a local college, so that he could distance himself from Haru, knowing that the other would prefer somewhere closer to home. And when he did eventually move to Tokyo, he changed his phone number and only notified his family of the change, hoping that it would allow him to let go of the past and move on.

But after all these years, he realized, he could never forget about Haru.

His heart still held on to the traces of their past relationship, and Makoto found himself silently wishing Haru a happy birthday every year, and even feeling oddly happy on that day.

Sighing, he grabbed his clothes and quickly changed out of his uniform, grabbing his bag after doing so and walking out the door. It was an uneventful day. His shift had ended with him just doing paperwork, and since he had some free time, he decided to grab a bite before heading back to his apartment. As he walked down the streets towards the train station, he noticed that there was a new restaurant that had just opened up recently, and judging from the growing crowd, it seemed to be quite popular already. Interest piqued, he decided to give the restaurant a shot and joined the still short, but rapidly growing, queue.

Fifteen minutes later, Makoto finally got himself a table, and was about to pick up the menu when he heard a startlingly familiar voice coming from the table behind his. He jumped a little in his seat, shocked, and refusing to turn back to take a look.

'It can't be him,' he reasoned in his head. 'This is Tokyo. There's no way he would be here. _There's no way Haru would_—'

Before he could even complete the sentence in his head, he was suddenly jerked backward by a harsh pull at his shoulder to come face to face with a pair of painfully familiar deep blue eyes.

"Ha-Haru…?"

Makoto was at a loss for words. His brain seemed to be suddenly very incapable of processing any form of coherent thought except for exclamations of '_He's here!_', '_Haru's here before my eyes_' and '_I missed you so much, Haru_'; all of which he knew there was no way he could bring himself to say. His tongue was like a dead weight in his mouth, and the mere seconds that they stayed silently staring at each other seemed like an eternity.

And Makoto honestly did not mind looking into the soulful pair of deep blue pools for eternity.

His fantasy, however, was abruptly broken as Haru frowned and suddenly pulled him up from his seat, storming away towards the kitchen of the restaurant while maintaining a vice grip on Makoto's arm.

'He hasn't changed at all, hasn't he…' he thought in his head, feeling a painful pang of nostalgia as he kept his eyes on Haru's back while struggling to keep up with the shorter male. He was eventually led out of the restaurant through the back door and into a quiet alleyway, and Haru finally let go of his arm, whipping around to fully face him.

All these years, and Makoto was still able to read Haru like a book. He could see the question in his eyes, the way they were narrowed ever so slightly, and his stiff posture showed his confusion and slight anger. He could almost hear the question in his head:

_'__Why did you leave?'_

And Makoto realized that he could no longer keep his feelings in.

He was so close, so very close to bursting. All those years apart had weakened the wall he had built around his emotions to prevent them from bursting from his mouth lest he impeded Haru from finding his happiness.

His happiness with Rin.

But it was too late. His mouth seemed to be moving on their own accord, and his mind no longer in his control.

"I… I couldn't take it anymore!"

Fists clenched at his side, his tall frame shook slightly with the force of the impending outburst. He kept his eyes downcast, absolutely ashamed of the secrets that he swore to keep in his heart, that were going to be exposed to Haru.

"I couldn't stand watching you and Rin anymore. The two of you were always so compatible. Only he could stand at equal footing with you in water. From that race, I finally knew. I finally woke up and realized how there was no way I can reach you. I- I loved you Haru. No, _I still love you Haru_. No matter how much I tried to run and hide, no matter how I tried to avoid the memories, they stay ingrained in my head. My heart cannot forget you. I- I…"

Makoto panted as he trailed off, unable to continue speaking as the emotions engulfed his mind, his brain no longer able to come up with words. His heart, however, felt so much lighter as tears started to trail down his cheeks, despite how he had vowed to never show his weak, frail side to Haru ever again after the race 10 years ago.

Slowly, slowly, Makoto staggered backwards, his legs feeling weak.

_Just like that night._

His back hit the wall, and he had to lean against it for support as his body felt as heavy as lead, even though his heart felt as light as a helium balloon.

And then, he decided that enough was enough.

Once again, slowly, slowly, he lifted his head, not giving a care that he was showing Haru his tear-stained face, showing it to the one person he promised he would be strong for.

"Ano ne, Haru. I love you so, _so_ much. Even though you only love Rin."

And Makoto smiled. He smiled because he was suddenly freed from all his emotional restriction. And he decided that it would finally be time to bare his heart for Haru to see.

_Finally, after all those years of friendship._

_Even though he knew that it was going to be pointless._

_Because he realized that he had nothing to lose._

His vision was blurred from his tears as he looked at Haru, and he was glad that he could not see Haru's face clearly. He did not think that he would have been able to bear looking at his friend's face and reading all the thoughts that ran through his head, even if he did not want to.

And the next thing he knew, he was suddenly held in a warm, comforting embrace, dark silky locks brushing against his cheek as a warm weight settled against him.

Haru… was hugging him?

Was he that sympathetic of him?

Makoto found himself frozen on the spot in confusion, his arms awkwardly stiff at his sides as his mind started running a mile a minute.

"You're an idiot."

His eyes widened at the sound of Haru's voice. He is an idiot? But what had he done? Were his feelings that worthless that Haru was mocking him? But his voice held no tone of contempt. What-

"You're a huge idiot, Makoto."

And that was when he realized that there was a dampness on his shoulder where a warm liquid was seeping through his T-shirt. Haru… was crying?

He suddenly pulled back from the embrace, his hands gripping Haru's arms tightly as he blinked away the tears so he could look at Haru's face properly. He searched his expression; found it honest and hiding nothing, and his heart skipped a beat at newfound hope.

"I… didn't, and would never like Rin." Said Haru simply, his deep blue eyes still locked on Makoto's face, silently noting the redness in the taller male's eyes from the crying, and the gradual lighting up of his eyes as he took in Haru's words.

Makoto remained speechless, and instead stared shocked at Haru's face.

"_Makoto…_"

And that was all he needed from Haru for confirmation. Because in that one word, he could hear all the pent-up emotions and never-revealed feelings that Haru kept deep in his heart. Almost immediately, Makoto dove down for a kiss, his heart almost exploding with happiness as their lips touched, as Haru wrapped his arms around his larger frame.

And he knew that Haru was happy too, he could tell. From what, he was not sure; but as they continued in their kiss, exchanging all the feelings that had built up over the years through their sweet and deep lip-lock, Makoto could hear the words resonating through his being, as if Haru himself was saying it in his ear.

_"__I love you too, Makoto."_

_._

_._

_._

* * *

><p>AN2: Thank you for reading this work! Was it good? Was it bad? Too angsty? Not angsty enough? Please do leave a comment on this work! Constructive criticism will be very, very welcomed! :D :D<p> 


End file.
